Just Words

Demons

2011-12-24T02:50:00.000+05:00

at night when everything sleeps,
there is the girl, that wakes and weeps,
her body her nightmare needs,
trapped and alone, she waits while her soul slowly bleeds.

the endless darkness, with no light in sight,
all she could ask for was no pain in her plight,
in the endless battle she fights every night.

the demons of her past,
no priest or shaman could cast,
no amulet or gem did last,
death was coming, nearer and fast.

her family gathered around her,
weeping with misery,
while her soul slowly leaves her.

Of Violence and Man

2011-12-23T00:39:00.000+05:00

The following is my opinion, the quotes I have taken from the internet.I would like to believe that they are correct because to me they make sense butI am not a religious or any other type of scholar, so I cannot be sure. Correct me if i am wrong, your opinion also counts.

I remembered today a story Ithink from my grade 8 or 9 Islam book. I remember not really reading schoolbooks cause I was too cool for school (idiotic, yes.) but some of it stuck, sothis was a story about Prophet Muhammad, about how he went to a (I imagine) villageto preach about Islam, and that he was yelled at and people threw stones at himand chased him out of the village, that is how I remember that part hopefully Iam not getting the story wrong but in any case after this incident, in thestory, he was asked if he wanted the destruction of the village and its people,and he replies "Noon, emeehunnah adhi nuvisnenee ey" (I`m sure not inthose words but again this is how I remember) .

That is how he dealt with the situation;he was the prophet yes but a human as well. Even then at the hands of suchcruelty he was able to walk away with his beliefs, his pride and his humanity. Thereforeto me he will always be the original Gandhi.

This is why I do not believe thatwe need to resort to violence or anger to resolve our issues. The thing thatmany of us don’t get is that, we are different from each other. Our ability tothink is different, our ability to learn and follow is different too andalthough we can disagree with each other it is always better to start a dialoguethan to punch the other guy in the nose. Otherwise are we any better?

Sometimes this is difficult,extremely difficult. In such a country filled with different frustrations,inflation, poverty, drugs, theft, violence, corruption it is hard not to beangry with anyone and everyone, especially if we are led to believe we are losingthe one thing we thought could never be taken from us. Yes, it is hard but letme quote Prophet Muhammad “The strong man is not the good wrestler; the strongman is only the one who controls himself when he is angry.”

Tomorrow is probably going to beyet another day we will push into the pages of history and forget. It isprobably going to be another day where our own blood and tears may flow; on ourown land by our own hands. I hope it does not happen. I hope you all wish it too.

I will finish my ramblings with aquote from another guy that I would have liked to meet and shake hands with; “Whatdifference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether themad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy nameof liberty or democracy?” – Mahatma Gandhi.

Our little fish bowl

2011-12-20T22:24:00.000+05:00

it is amazing how small Male` is, if you think about it in this perspective, for those who share apartments, or even rooms. its like living inside a toilet, a no roof bathroom stall where you are self-conscious of shitting cause of the person in the next stall. Don't deny it, we cant really let go comfortably when we know there's someone who could hear our farts or our shit hitting the water.

Shit if we take it and not make it literal, that`s how most of our lives are, this place is so small, we can almost hear what the other person is thinking (no idiots that was a joke, we are not telepathic, at-least i hope not).

Privacy is a good thing, everyone should have their own time because we are all different even the person you love is different from you and they will do stupid things which may not be actually stupid but you think is stupid but you don't want to do or say anything cause you might hurt their feelings but in turn just swallow them cause you also don't want your children or your next room neighbor to hear you two fight. (and i dare you to make sense of that train of thought) . Given all that, most of us dont have a positive or productive way to get rid of our frustrations.

That is if you don't count, racing through the small streets of Male` blaring our horns like clowns, glaring and sneering at anyone who comes in-front of us. OR protesting about the latest issues, loosing our religion even though it has survived through the ages, protesting about protestors.

At-least i think the reason why we are most of time mean, inconsiderate, with no sense of common courtesy is because we are frustrated. (and you just went DUH! didn't you. so why didn't you write about it?) Frustrations about money, space, life, this brick prison we call home, the government, the previous government, the religious fanatics, nonreligious fanatics, gangs, traffic lights, GST .. etc. etc.. and hence the anger..

when i came back after a long time from abroad i wondered why people here where so angry, most of the time, now i think i know... thing is, life sucks people, we all know it, it reams us in the back once at-least every 2-3 years but we need a better way to handle it. we need a better way to handle problems between each other.. we need to find a better way to live peacefully in our little fish bowl.

Wake Up

2011-12-05T20:12:00.000+05:00

we do not know,

we nod and agree,

we believe what we are told,

we are told that we are free.

freedom is a choice,

freedom is personal,

freedom does not dictate,

freedom does not impose, its not a wall.

pawns we are,

but we do not know,

unknown to us with fear they grow.

in the end, their battles we will fight,

in the end, still pawns we will fight,

till the end, even to our final breath ...

thoughts of a madman

2011-11-13T18:44:00.001+05:00

the depth and of the steel,
the sharpness of the blade,
the gushing of her blood,
upon my face, and i`m glad.

the twist and the turn,
the feel of her organs,
rip apart get torn,
i smile, a dream complete of months.

i raise it high,
i raise it low,
i raise it fast,
i raise it slow.

her eyes open,
with just a sliver of life,
i smile, again,
plunging down; my steel knife,
again and again.

2011-11-11T03:50:00.000+05:00

i sit here and wonder,

where you are, i wonder,

what happened to the talks, i wonder,

whatever happened to your smile, i wonder.

the elephant in the room

2011-11-09T05:12:00.001+05:00

it is now as it was before,
we don't talk, we don't feel,
keep building it up inside our core,
letting it out; not an option, not a way; that we can heal.

acceptance, understanding, guilt

2011-11-08T03:13:00.000+05:00

had an interesting talk about sexual deviancy today, somebodies mind got blow away when we discussed the amount of sexual fantasies people have on body parts or what comes out of our bodies, some very disgusting, some wildly idiotic, some acceptable, some understandable and some just plain sick.

so now how did we come up with these categories, a much better question would be would these categories be different if the same conversation came up within another crowd of people? yes would be the answer wouldnt it? some people accept these fetishes or taboos as a part of their lives, or something they cant live without or more importantly something they can 'understand' and should be 'tolerant' to.

So i wonder when will humanity draw the line? i`m not talking in a religious perspective or even a moral one, but there was a time when (i have been told) that being gay was considered a disorder of the mind and still there are many a communities that shun the relationships between man and man, woman and woman but if we look around, we can see this changing.

'Tolerance' or 'acceptance' is a word much used especially in Maldives these days, but if you look at the world at a whole this concept of accepting others for who they are has been spreading, quickly and efficiently. A concept not bad, because who are we kidding, as a collective group (humanity) we are a bunch of freaks.

But more to my point, when will society draw the line? We can now accept others who are gay without a problem, and i`m sure in the near future we will also be accepting transsexuals as a part of community, taking out the taboo and replacing it with 'normalcy' whatever that might be. but would it stop there? taking into account human history, i certainly dont think so.

There will come a time, not in our lifetimes hopefully that society descends into such a state of acceptance that what we now consider taboo to take an example incest, to be a part of life. If there are people who had the 'need' to do it, and because its 'how they were born' society will come to accept it or as it happens now some part of society will guilt the other to accept it, understand it. .. 'live and let live'..

2011-11-06T13:30:00.000+05:00

loneliest eid ever..

and then my friend sent me this link, http://i.imgur.com/Cpdaq.jpg

letting go

2011-11-03T00:08:00.000+05:00

there are many things that i would do,
and say many things which would be untrue,
to make you smile, when you are blue.

right now i am whatever you need me to be,
i have always been like that, how stupid that was; i could not see.

think about it again and again,
and its pretty clear and plain,
this could only end up with pain.

so like a bad story book,
before it holds on, before it can plant its hook,
i, like you say, need to take; another look.

reasons are clear and are never fair,
words are words, but there is still fear,
it should end, or too much; we will care.

so the end remains a mystery, an unsung song,
just a part of history.

friends we`ll be,
our conscious; guilt free,
our lives mundane, when we end this story of you and me.

the soft knock

2011-11-02T09:52:00.000+05:00

it was the dead of night,
i heard a soft knock on my door,
i got up and turned on my light,
while picking up my shorts i had left on the floor.

i opened the door,
i did not ask for more,
because it was her,
she came in with no sign of fear.

i closed the door,
picked up everything else i had left on the floor.

she looked at me, smiled intrigued,
her eyes meeting mine, i understood her need.

i sat next to her and held her tight,
she melted into me, with no hint of a fight.

i nibbled her ears, i kissed her cheeks,
then it became urgent, like we had been waiting for weeks.

i woke up as the sun was rising,
she was still here, blissfully sleeping.

she was so beautiful,
how much, i cannot put into words.

i just felt lucky, and finally i guess... happy.

at times because we laugh

2011-10-31T23:17:00.001+05:00

in your room, your santuary,
open your laptop,
sit down, relax, let go of the burden you carry.

think of the good, the bad and the worst,
think of what helped you smile the most.

you still feel insecure and alone,
thinking about the past thats gone.

think of the future, the guilt and the pleasure,
weigh it out, see if your life is still a treasure.

by living we learn,
how much our souls can burn,
how much our hearts can mourn,
how much our minds can scourn.

but sometimes we have to let go,
believe that there can be something more,
believe in fate, time let it slow,
let our souls smile and let it glow.

the wall that she created

2011-10-31T15:33:00.000+05:00

wall made of stone,

why do you not yield,

wall made of stone,

why do you not bleed.

wall made of stone,

why do you stand tall,

wall made of stone,

why do you never fall.

wall made of stone,

why are you so strong,

wall made of stone,

why do you not know when you are wrong.

wall made of stone,

one day you will break,

wall made of stone,

i hope so for my sake.

slay thy monster

2011-10-30T16:57:00.001+05:00

you hope you dream,
of life without pain,
you stop yourself and not feel,
running from reality in vain.

monsters are monsters,
they will never change,
they are evil and bullies,
your mind they will always change.

they will make you doubt,
they will make you cry,
they will make you forget why you fought,
their lies; they will make you buy.

the world will always be cruel,
like you say its upto you,
say no, i never will,
stand up, never forget, like you say its upto you.

“Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.” – Khalil Gibran

..so even if you doubt have faith that even if you are alone you can survive.

my beloved country

2011-10-29T19:06:00.000+05:00

when i was young i was asked to draw a future Maldives, like any youngster i immediately imagined in my mind hover crafts, and bubble helmets and vacuum chutes that would take us to work. Taking aside the stupid ideas of flying and parking in air, my vision or imagination could have never thought up the future that Maldives is now.

Even then Male` was small, cramped and crowded, but now its just freaking crazy. Trying to walk to office every morning is like jungle tracking, vans, lorries are driven by mad men who dont get the concept of 'this is a small road'! but nobody could actually blame them either, going slow is also not an option anymore, you stop for a millisecond to let an old lady cross the street and from behind comes the cry of the harpies. Its like second nature for motorcyclists to honk their horns now .. its annoying for someone whose walking by; imagine what it would be for the guy driving a huge ass vehicle that can crush their sorry asses?

i also did not imagine a Male`, well a Maldives over flowing with expatriates, 'bangalhees'. When i was young it was the craze though, every house that could afford it had to have a cooking or cleaning lady brought from abroad.. a concept i did not get, why bring someone from abroad to teach them to cook Maldivian food? Why not get a Maldivian? but it makes sense now, well it doesnt but ever seen a Maldivian waiter anywhere? or a cook for that matter? Hedhika our glory and pride, have u recently seen a Maldivian making it?

Now a 'bangalhee' makes it and we buy it. Not just food, how about for example a small barber shop? When i was young my mom cut my hair for some time, that was the only time a Maldivian cut it. Maldivians are too good to own barber shops my friend says, every one has to have a beauty salon.. Jissm indeed..

so i feel sad, i grew up, started my own life and didnt give a damn about the country, cause i was selfish and thought yeah.. someone else will take care of it.. but everybody probably thought the same thing and now..

The most important decisions our country has to make is being made by self serving 'smart', wouldnt be wrong to say, Business men. Ever wonder why a majority of young adults are on drugs and why nobody seems to be able to stop drugs coming in and out?
Society itself has changed, you can be openly gay to your friends and they will 'understand'. Religion as always in Maldives is still a joke, as long as you dont go on tv and say you are an atheist you are fine.. dont worry.
The value of a man right now is measured by THE girl whose straddling his back ON the cyke that he rides WHILE looking at the smart phone he has in his hand.
And burugaa i would like to respect the women who wear them, but c`mon.. some time in the future i`m sure, burugaa and bikinis will be a trend.
And protesting, stop at a corner and start shouting, it doesnt matter what you shout, at some point someone else will come and join you, you are not alone theres always another idiot out there.

the storm and the rock

2011-10-25T08:05:00.000+05:00

once there was a lonely rock, in the middle of a rocky shore. sure, there were other rocks around it but this rock was different, and didnt get along with the other rocks.

then along came a storm, the storm was loud, the storm was flashy, the storm made sense and the storm was strong.

the lonely rock weirdly found these things soothing and immediately found itself a friend. but the storm was a storm, it went away as soon as it came.

and again there sat a lonely rock, in the middle of other rocks, waiting for the storm.

"We dont change... NOT!"

2011-10-23T17:45:00.001+05:00

i had a small chat with a friend i made recently and according to her people change, for the people around them or because of the people around them. and at the time i kept saying that people dont really change for some idiotic reason. maybe i was trying to prolong the conversation.

but if i`m completely honest, something i have recently found freeing for some insane reason .. *evil smirk* i have to agree with my friend. we change.. alot.. @-@ like amazingly alot.

if i take a small example from my life none of my past gf`s would describe me as the same guy, ofcourse if you neurotic enough to draw a venn diagram there will be intersections where they will complain i`m too needy or such (-_-) .. nonsense .. :P

but i thought about it quite a lot and yeah we change.. sometimes we become weird in the process too.. or start a sheereen farhadh love story.. or Devdas.. but mostly the hero doesnt die in the end.. then again.. Devdas died content right?

ok i keep going off track here... we change.. i have changed.. and prior to what i was before i think ive changed for the better.. given the experiences life had in store for me.. God`s wicked sense of humour..DESTINY! blah blah blah .. but it helped.. i have always been afraid of change never realising that i change with every experience i have.. AND YOU CHANGE TOO!! MWHAHAHAAHAH ... kidding...NOT!..

p/s: i`m helping Shawn from Psych bring back NOT!.. if you dont know what Psych is or if you dont know Shawn from Psych you are an idiot for not watching it. And if you dont know what bringing back NOT! means.. then i feel sorry for u .. NOT! :P

nerdy, cool, rebellious, neurotic, curios and creative

2011-10-21T00:29:00.000+05:00

its amazing what can happen when you never expect it. finally life gave me something i needed rather than something well the exact opposite of what i need.

for a long time i laughed without actually laughing, smiled without meaning it but finally tonight i laughed and laughed.

so.. thank you; nerdy, cool, rebellious, neurotic, curios and creative dudette.

opportunity unmet

2011-10-19T21:28:00.000+05:00

She sat on the sofa

The darkness hiding her face

But you could just see her

If you could look beyond, beyond the haze

She moved into the light

Just allowing you a peep

You try to get closer

But your feet are stuck together, they have fallen asleep

She sat staring in your direction

But not looking at you

You feel a shiver, a chill down your spine

And you wonder, is she looking inside you?

She again moves a little forward

Just so that her lips catch the light

You think to yourself?

Will I kiss her tonight, or hold her tight?

She sits still

As you inch your way towards her

But suddenly she laughs

Gets up and moves near the fire

You get up too

You want to go and stand beside her

Reach out for her hand

Or maybe really hold her

Before you make up your mind

She makes her move

She starts to move boldly towards you

And your hearts stops; is this love?

She is so close now

That you can hear her heart

You can see clearly the color of her eyes

The brown buttons on her shirt

The redness of her lips

The moistness of her tongue

The softness of her caress

The fullness of her chest

but then she moves away

moving her hips you watching it sway

but she turns around for one last look

that small look was what it all took

to make you move towards her

to hold up your arms and try to catch her

but like smoke she moves away

slipping through your fingers she fades away

for the girl who is herself

2011-10-18T08:08:00.001+05:00

so there she was,

walking along, a walk without a cause.

laughing along with her friend,

oblivious to fashion statements and with no hint of a trend.

she was neither a rebel,

nor a hipster,

she did not need a label,

she was herself, that much was clear.

i could not stop staring,

thankfully she didnt notice,

when it was over i lost my bearing,

blissfully lost, i walked away at the time trying to get back my balance.

understatement of human history

2011-10-16T20:15:00.000+05:00

so there is this thing about life that everybody talks about.. life is unfair. wow. seems like the understatement of human history. its like saying 'Hitler was a bad guy' :P

to my point.. maybe life is unfair to each of us because we are never really happy with what we have.. you get money, fame, glory, love, health.. but as portrayed by the many movies, series, stories .. its not enough. but theres a good thing to this too.. a man who has never had anything .. would possibly want more.. but until he has had it.. he would never know how much he wants it..

like love.. 'its better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all' - Alfred Lord Tennyson. Its the jist from a poem he wrote apparently.. but to you i say - Sir.. you are a wanker!

its not better.. how the hell is knowing.. holding.. someone that you love and then loosing them better than never having done that?

i will be in line the day they invent the 'forget her' pill.

cause its not better.. because even if ur surrounded by people.. even if ur laughing with them.. and joking .. you feel lonely.. its the only time in my life i have felt stupid, angry, sad and betrayed at the same time.. or as my close personal friend would say 'life suck vefa'.. @.@

so life is unfair because you know you had something better.. you know you want it back.. you know how much it hurts to not have it.. and theres this irritating little thought in your head that lets you hope.. to get it back .. or well something like it.

sometimes the inevitable

2011-10-16T19:53:00.000+05:00

at first all is bliss,
little quirks brushed past with a kiss,
meeting regularly without a miss.

the talks were then funny,
new, exciting and witty.

and then your little glass bowl of reality shatter's.

what went wrong you ask?
everything went wrong, after a peek under her mask,
everything changed,
everything became just another task.

you look at you too,

and you see something different,

it was not meant to be you say,

but then again you changed too, it was apparent.

2011-10-13T21:09:00.001+05:00

there is this time when i wake up in the morning where i forget... it doesnt last though..

angry i am

2011-10-08T13:07:00.001+05:00

finally its hit me,
the reality that eludes me,
the pain that i hid in me,
finally its out, burning a hole inside me.

the pictures and voices,
dreams and hopes,
the betrayal and lies,
wash over my thoughts.

the tears aside,
with the pain beside,
rises a howl of anger,
eating my soul, a death bringer.

angry i am,
for the pain is still the same,
people tell me time heals,
but they dont know how this feels.

and time is cruel,
for it i`m just a mule,
to carry with me all this fuel,
afraid every day that i might just burst and burn everbody who thought i was a fool.

angry i am,
for the betrayal and lies,
i thought it would change, i thought i would be the same,
but i am different and bitter,
and i can feel the slow burning amber.

no i tell my brain,
stop my thoughts,
i need restrain,
but it never stops, me my own enemy, i have no more hopes.

angry i am,
for i was a fool,
i was just a tool,
but still i hung on,
a slave of the cruel.

so never again,
shall i trust someone with my pain,
never again,
will my love be simple and plain,
never again,
will i devote myself,
never again,
will i be the fool who thinks of others but not himself.

2011-09-21T17:09:00.000+05:00

what is it that i`m looking for?

during this time in my life, i dont really know. nothing actually makes sense and nothing really seems fair. so i read, i talk and i listen.

people help, friends help. family supports. with a few jabs here and a few laughs there, things almost return to normal and i find myself laughing my ass off making jokes myself.

but it does not seem to last. so i wonder to myself why?

dreams

2011-06-13T10:35:00.000+05:00

i see the black forest,
in my dreams it comes the horse with the black crest,
blood rushes down my chest,
my eyes are closed but i can see, i can never rest.

hot black flames i lay beside,
eating me alive from the inside,
someday i will shout with pain,
that day others will cry in vain.

.....

2011-05-03T13:14:00.000+05:00

Its a small world, earth. Filled with small people who like to feel that they are part of something 'bigger'. What that bigger part is we have never been able to know.

I guess in the end we`ll know..

The young boy

2011-01-10T20:34:00.000+05:00

It was almost exactly 20 years ago to the day when a young Ahmed got up before the crack of dawn to ride his bike on the empty streets of Male`. He heard his dad snore as little Ahmed strained to reach the house keys dangling a few feet above him. His parents were still sleeping and unaware of the soft clinking of the chains in Ahmed`s bicycle as he maneuvered it somewhat clumsily out of his house and into the street.

Ahmed was proud of himself; they had told him he could not ride his bike when there was traffic in the streets or at night. He had overcome these two obstacles and waited patiently outside his house for the first rays of light to hit the still sleeping community. Finally his moment had come, it was light now, well it was not night but before he could push off from the curb where his house stood an old man came walking by. The old man looked surprised at first at seeing such a young boy awake at that time but just smiled and was about to walk away when Ahmed nosy as he is asked,

Ahmed: Where are you going so early old man?

Old Man: I`m going to the mosque, for the morning prayers.

Ahmed: Ok.

But then Ahmed noticed the old man was limping, so he again asked another question.

Ahmed: Old man, you seem sick why don’t you pray at home?

Old Man: Well, it is said that every footstep however painful you take from your home to the mosque with the intention of going there to pray is rewarded by all mighty Allah.

Ahmed: So if I lived in another Island and came to Male` to pray would i get loads of points?

Old Man: Points?

Ahmed: Sawwab.

Old Man: Technically yes, but don’t you think Allah will appreciate someone who obeys him because he wants to, not to just collect 'points'?

Ahmed: I don’t know. My mom always tells me I can’t ask questions about why God did this and that. Just recite Quran and pray five times a day and I’ll go to heaven.

Old Man: and what do you think?

Ahmed: I have a lot of questions but no one seems to have the answers. For one thing in school we learn ABC and learn the language, we understand what we are saying. But when I recite Quran it has no meaning, I don’t know what I’m saying. My mom says it doesn’t matter and I’ll get Sawwab if i recite it.

Old Man: Well she is not lying about that but i understand what you mean about meaningless recitation. Do you plan to learn the Arabic language then?

Ahmed: No. Why would I, if I get points for just saying it?

The Old man starts laughing at this point.

Old Man: Yes. Why would anyone for that matter? But as you grow up you will understand something’s and something’s you won’t. Just don’t let anyone else tell you what being a Muslim is, find out for yourself.

And without another word the old man starts to walk away from Ahmed and this time Ahmed did not have any more questions for the old man, he had just remembered his mission and his new bicycle. He did however turn around to look at the old man one last time before pushing off from the curb but to his surprise the old man was gone. The old man could have turned a corner or just vanished into thin air but Ahmed did not think about the old man for a long time. It took him a little more than 20 years to fully understand what the old man had asked him to do. And even if he still did not understand what it was to be a Muslim, he had taken a few steps forward thought the 25 year old Ahmed sitting at 5 in the morning, in the mosque waiting for the morning prayer to be called.

Infinite Wisdom

2011-01-09T18:12:00.000+05:00

We try to possess the infinite wisdom of the world, we study books and scriptures, cave drawings and try to decipher symbols and diagrams in the pyramids. Of course there are people who can talk a good game, even sound pretentious while doing it but do we really possess the potential to hold and harness such a thing as infinite wisdom?

For ages we have seen humanity take steps towards a 'brighter' future. We have given these projects names with substance and codes but we usually end up taking a step back. The Manhattan Project was developed because Einstein wrote to President Roosevelt saying he`s concerned that the Germans were making or going to make nuclear weapons, so quite possibly the mind set of then famous scientists would have been to reach a point where the Natzi`s would not corner their countries with the threat of a nuclear attack.

Whatever the concerns were noble or not, imagining such a time or the pressure of people literally in a war is hard for a pampered new age boy like me. The only point i want to make is that even after the war, humanity decided to keep making these bombs, even after the world has seen first hand what destruction it entails. And the idea that the amount of fear humans possess for the weapon is its main appeal, baffles me still.

We fight wars, all the time. Not just between countries, but in them as well. Religious and ethnic cleansing, civil wars mostly because no two people with power think alike or people with power can accumulate and hone powerless people and make up their own personal army. We have fought for our religion, our rights even for a dream and however noble we may think our fight is, the sad part of it is, why did we have to fight in the first place? It is a sad history, the history of humanity, a being which considers itself superior to all others in terms of intelligence as well as revered as special in the many books from the many religions we obey. A being that has been portrayed throughout the ages in tablets, parchments and now in our iphones as being so wise and brave always fighting evil.

Why are we evil? Why is it so hard for us to let each other be? Even in a religious standpoint people of different religions hate each other. Atheist hate religious people. We keep taking pot shots at each other and in the end it gets blown up and each party kills or maims innocent victims from each side forever destroying any chance of ever reconciling. We are like kids who cant play in the same sand box because we cant share it.

So a being with so many faults, given that we have the capability of, for lack of a better word, 'storing' infinite wisdom, its scary to imagine what machines of destruction or plans of evolution paved with 'good intentions' that we will come up with. Ultimately even if in our many books where the end of the world, judgment day is declared as day which humanity cannot evade, would it be the hand of God that delivers it or will we literally blow us all up sky high?

Ten Days and Back

2011-01-07T06:14:00.000+05:00

I went back for ten days. To be honest i didnt think i`d enjoy it as much as i did. The food as always was great and quite possibly the highlight of the trip. Then again, the allegations, gossips and knowledge of existing black markets and back alley hand shakes in Maldives was no small pleasure either.

The hottest topic still is politics in Maldives but i was pleased to see that to some extent the press and people fell away from the usual cat calling and making up ludicrous stories about each other. I was impressed by the few well prepared and well presented news casts from DhiTv that i was able to see. Especially the one on the increased "salary" of the people in the "Majlis". It was funny especially the part where Mr. Reeko Moosa stood at the gate, shaking his fist, his eyes ablaze with fury. I found myself almost waiting for the scene to get dark and fake lasers to come out of his eyes, kind of like fathis handhuvaru, people say that he was a good actor, i say he still is.

It was also funny the cardboard box of small change people accumilated for the "workers" in the "Majlis" and the fact that people keep telling me that after the first day of swearing them into the "Majlis" the place has never been full or well 50-70% occupied.

In the ten days i was there the salary got raised for the "Majlis", a high ranking "official" got "stabbed", Arabiyya was relocated and many were angry about it, the salary of civil service "servants" were raised again, everybody was angry about the budget, Mr.Maumoon Abdul Gayoom came back again some were angry about it, others were ecstatic and i dont know apparently other stuff happened but it was mostly never reported.

What i really enjoyed besides the food was the one day in hulhumale`, near the barbecue place which wasnt there two years ago. It was pleasantly nice to see many of the people coming together and not bickering about wearing blue or yellow but just cooking, talking, joking and having fun. Hulhumale` was also pleasant to stay in, it was quiet for the most part but for the construction work going on but i would rather have the quiet rumble of a concrete saw from far away than the screaming woman next door. She had three misbehaving kids, and i know much more about them than i really would have liked to know.

I met with my friends, i found a new cafe` which had the best coffee i have had in years, never been a fan of the drinks in starbucks, plus the girl there was pretty, homely and i missed the years when i would have tried to flirt with her and fail miserably. The roads were always jammed but i guess thats nothing new. The immigration building was pretty from the outside but seemed small and constricted from the inside. Oh and you cant smoke on a motorcycle, while driving or otherwise although a smoker myself i found the rule acceptable having burnt the seat and shirt of a friend of mine years ago, one mistake he never lets me forget.

All in all the trip was excellent, not too short and not too long. It was great going back to family, and friends but i am glad to be back not that i wudnt miss the people...

we are but human

2010-12-12T20:35:00.000+05:00

essentially we are all capable of doing anything.. "you can never know living in the world we live now..".

it is a depressing thought when you realize that in any given moment in time, with the given information, in the back of our minds we expect people to be monsters.. or rather capable of monstrous things.. of course until you are subject to such a time where people point to your friend and accuse him of murder, mayhem or rape you wouldn't know what you would think.. will you stand by him or her? would the countless hours or days of fun and happiness take over your mind.. or

..will that little bit of doubt rise to the occasion and make you certain of your friends betrayal to societies and your own rules and morals?.. or would you blindly believe in your friend.. your husband,wife, your son or daughter?.. "it cant be.. i know him..", "she is a gentle person, she is not capable of such horror.." would you utter these words.. would still the concepts of love and care apply to a 'monster'? ..

i guess it does.. some call it being blinded by ones own inability to cope.. or that one just isnt ready to believe in the betrayal.. but be that as it may be.. it is also not far fetched to say that it is also easy for people to believe in another person`s ability to be cruel.. i guess at least for me.. you never know what a person is capable of until they do it..

ultimate gift

2010-12-11T04:29:00.000+05:00

the ultimate gift.. dont sin on this earth and in heaven you will be rewarded, your every whim and every desire just a thought away.

so someone described heaven in their image last night.. a chaotic 'roman orgy'. and then my friend asked "why?? its kinda of illogical that all sins here do not apply as sins there.. would that mean Gods rules dont apply in heaven?"

i was actually stumped.. not that i am religious or that i know alot about it.. and the only thing i could think of was that all concepts that apply to humans here on earth wudnt actually apply in heaven.. if we are already dead everything bad associated with sins wudnt actually hurt us now wud it? .. no STD`s for one thing..

but as we discussed it we also came to some conclusion.. we cant actually imagine what heaven wud be like.. we dont know if we would even remotely resemble humans.. or have the need to have a heart.. an eye to see.. or have the need to see.. .. and most certainly we cant imagine what "life" would be like in heaven..

Who would you rather be?

2010-12-01T17:27:00.000+05:00

I watched "The Experiment" today, cudnt help but wonder what role i would be playing if someone else decides it based on my personality.. am i violent? do i believe in a religion?.. what is justice to you?... why are u participating in this experiment??

the movie was ok.. could have been better.. it seemed like it was going for an almost mysterious government secret experiment to be used in the future.. but.. it didn't.. a very small .. news cast.. barely touched why the experiment was done in the end.. that was kind of anti climatic..

but the human experience for me was pretty good.. a man who lives with a verbally abusive mother.. a man who had lived in submission suddenly gets the chance to take charge.. and his eagerness for the power was portrayed very well.. this together with human ability to crack under pressure.. or rise from it was portrayed well too..

i guess the movie tries to capture the basic nature of being a human.. fighting back when cornered, coming together as a pack.. it shows when normal people.. or well how far people who believe they don't deserve something can be pushed.. the final limit.. how a passive man can strike and kill another.. in a matter of days.. i`d recommend it.. to watch it at least once..

quod ego amitto

2010-11-03T05:14:00.000+05:00

standing there in the tower of one and three,
i open my arms, and suddenly feel free,
the world becomes a blur, insignificant, and i smile with glee.

the pain goes away,
the truth becomes black and white and not gray,
reality a concept, religion a joke, for, i don't pray.

i see the machines move around,
i see myself free and unbound,
i see the ants that fill the ground,
i know then i am mocked and hear its sound.

inevitable i let go,
the wind in face, i let go,
fear and concepts, i let go,
finally free i laugh and i let go.

ego vereor somnus

2010-11-01T21:31:00.000+05:00

you lay awake.
your mind about to break,
and the alarm rings,
you cringe, afraid of what the night brings.

you hear the creaks,
you see the freaks,
you see the talking shadows,
dead and bleeding meadows.

you see the bloody clown,
you hear him moan,
you see him come closer,
with his big and shiny cleaver.

and through all this,
your parents sleep,
not having given you, your last kiss.

and then it gets dark,
silence surrounds you, your mind doesn't bark.

suddenly you wake,
its morning, you sigh for your own sake,
but you lay there still,
because you know full well,
that the night will come,
bringing your worst fears and then some.

promissio

2010-10-28T08:25:00.000+05:00

i don't understand this world,
i don't understand my own religion or the old,
i don't understand the people,
i don't understand myself, i`m lost, i`m a cripple.

everything i did,
everything i do,
every day and every second,
it doesn't seem to matter, its untied already, become a loose bond.

i feel like i`m drowning,
i want to feel alive and go down kicking,
but i`m exhausted, i fear i have lost my hold,
i`m sinking into myself, unable to be bold.

i fear i will loose this battle,
i fear i wont be strong and i will whittle,
grab a shovel and dig my grave,
i wont survive for long, not after scars that come wave after wave.

death is inevitable they always say,
and scared, people have died every which way,
but death is a sweet release,
life a barren land of hurt and full of unfulfilled promise.

ego sum non certus

2010-10-25T22:58:00.000+05:00

in the blue blue sky,
there lies a hunter that makes me cry,
i bleed, it feeds and i can never ask why,
because in the end i never learned to say goodbye.

there have been many days,
i have thought of many ways,
just to see if i can,
end something that never began.

i saw everything, but understood few,
like a stump i just grew,
like the wind that aimlessly blew,
an idiot without a single clue.

i die taking everything i knew,
having passion in the little, the small, the few,
believing in the end, the eternal sunshine, my bedroom view,
a smile on my face, still the idiot without a single clue.

The Little Village of the Little People

2010-10-14T08:14:00.000+05:00

It was a time of great confusion, the creatures were panicked and angry. An anger that had been festering for quite some time until it just burst out. You see the elves that worked for "Santa" were angry because one of the elves who had been bad and who was given a time out was killed by a stray jaw breaker. So all the other elves took up arms, broke up "Santa"`s work shop and the little village they lived in. Of course there were elves that were very loyal to "Santa", so they took up arms from his side. When all of this was happening, there were the ogres who protected this village from other villagers trying to keep the peace between EAS (elves against Santa) and EWS (elves with Santa).

What EAS and EWS did not know was that behind all of this was a group of leprechauns who were very greedy and the monthly income "Santa" was giving them was just not enough to quench their thirst.

So they took the chance, "a time to get rid of Santa" they agreed but there was a problem who was going to be the next "Santa"? All the leprechauns were equally greedy so they decided that none of them could be "Santa" but since they needed a good little "Santa" they called Pinocchio a young and eager puppet who just wanted to become a real boy.

As fate helped and with the added effect of the leprechauns and their unbelievable level of cunning and well gold, the elves "decided" that Pinocchio was to be made the next "Santa". The elves also "decided" that instead of giving "Santa" all the power of making toys, they will also get to "choose" which toys to be made and which toys were dangerous. So they again chose a few among the EWS and EAS (by this time even if the names stayed the same, the meaning had totally changed) to represent all elves, the leprechauns who had the ability to change their shape and features, blended in the crowd of elves, and hoisted themselves into the "chamber of choices".

In the dark, the many leprechauns grinned their evil grin, even then tasting the gold.

To be continued...

2010-10-12T17:25:00.000+05:00

Control..

Man made word that can be related to every human trait you can name may it be your sexual preference to what you believe lives in the sky looking down at us. We humans need the illusion of control.. some don't believe in god because they lose control over what we have named destiny.. our linear plain of existence.

Consciously or subconsciously we make every decision based on the things we think that we can control.. if there is even a doubt of control we call it a risk.. for that we have mitigation plans.. but if you think about it existing in any sense.. be it physically, mentally or "spiritually" is a risk.. you may die falling of the bed, a parasite may crawl into your brain and make you crazy.. and more often than not.. people forget about you when you die.. so in reality there`s really nothing that you can control.. so why do we need it so much?

why does the person on top when you are having sex become the person in control? why does that person think they are in control? why do you think you can find rational answers to the questions of existence? why does God have different traits to cater for different levels of control? why do we have laws that let us say anything we want? why did we need the law? why do you need to convince your religious beliefs are better than your enemies? why are theorems formed to disapprove other theorems? why do we need aliens to exist?

in this whole mess of things.. while we are looking out for answers to lives biggest questions.. the path to "find" one self.. we never stop and question one thing.. the possibility of no control.. i guess its scary to come to a conclusion that we may be just a speck of dust that is just mindlessly blowing in an ever lasting universe...

Dev D

2010-08-23T01:01:00.000+05:00

This is a hindi movie.. i dont usually watch hindhi movies.. atleast not recently.. anyway i have a guest in my house.. who loves hindhi movies.. he is one of my best friends but i have to admit sometimes he gets on my nerves with his emotional attachment towards bollywood.. i wonder why they chose wood at the end of a name.. its just weird.. holly`s wood.. bolly`s wood..

Anyway Dev D.. is the modern version of Devdas.. which i did not watch and which apparently was a hit.. considering it had aishwariya, shahrukh and madhuri.. dont think its much of a stretch.. i like Dev D though.. i wonder if it was because it was dark which apparently is the most popular theme in movies these days.. says alot about humans i guess..

Why did i like it though.. hmm .. mostly it didnt need much dialogue.. most of the things were said without words.. expressions.. and the bg music.. the music rocked in the movie by the way.. even the sodu version of emosanal attyaachaar.. check out the rock version in youtube its pretty cool too..anyway they told me it was going according to the old version the main storyline anyway.. guy falls in love.. screws up.. looses the girl.. finds solace in the hands of a "sex worker" which is apparently the more politically correct word.. watch the movie you will get the joke.. anyway he drinks himself to near death..

but its not the story that makes this movie a great one.. its how its portrayed .. it breaks conventional society rules.. its shows what humans are capable of.. it shows human emotion at its best... human cowardice.. human sadness... humans ability to hold it in.. their ability to let the horrors eat them alive.. or "move on"..

"Nayan Tarse, Tarse Tarse Re, Bisar Gaye Bisar Gaye Kitne"

p.s watch it with subtitles some of its not in the traditional hindhi i grew up with

2010-08-01T05:56:00.000+05:00

in the end,
i know i will cry,
in the end,
i know i will die.

life is short,
i heard yesterday,
to end up in hells court,
im not ready, not yet, not today.

i know now there is an end,
not to life,
but to this point in life, this little bend.

i want to think im happy,
but im probably not,
how would i define happy,
its eluded me for some time, i have forgot.

........ fcuk

when life gives you oranges

2010-05-15T10:05:00.000+05:00

2010-05-14T04:15:00.000+05:00

you know its funny, when we are boys we are not supposed to be interested in playing with barbies and girls are not supposed to find boy toys to be interesting. but when we grow up men are supposed to play with women and women have to play with men.Women are not supposed to use boy toys. But men are supposed to buy, comment and appreciate when girls are wearing things and not wearing things.

2010-05-09T10:15:00.001+05:00

you know what you were?

you were the center of my fantasies,
the illusion of a lifetime, a mad mans prophecies.

i do not know when i finally understood,
felt i was free, from the pact made in blood,
i do not know and i do not care,
i guess when life dishes out so much you loose sense of whats fair,
but i do know this,
a fool living in my own ignorant bliss,
i never should have trusted,
given my heart out to be attested.

in the simple things you place around you,
do you even know which ones care enough to love you?
but all that does not matter, you dont need complication,
so just live your life unhappy, sad and without communication,
but you cant do that can you?
have to have everything and everyone drool around you.

how selfish can one person be?
i do not know because you have a limitless spree,
its not enough to control the man of a thousand waves,
you need more, not one but a couple of slaves,
but look around you everyone is awake,
they have slept too long and bled for your sake,
and i will get stronger with every mistake you make.

in the end you i am sure you will loose,
your narcissism will leave you with no clues,
in the end we will all laugh,
and i will tell the tale, finally, of the table, the bed and the couch.

2010-05-08T06:16:00.000+05:00

i wonder when humans decided that there are different classes of humans??

2010-05-07T04:13:00.000+05:00

types of women

the innocent

guys these girls are rare, the truly innocent are hard to find so when you find them marry them because even if you want a life of a stud eventually you will want to settle down and once you do with the wrong person guess who you would be thinking of.. yes.. the innocent one you shoved aside. these girls will love you, care for you and care for your family. she will be the best wife, mother, daughter in law and sister in law that you can find. she will be kind, considerate and smart. And to make matters better she will be experimental in bed and will take charge most of the time. This combination of nice and naughty cannot be found easily so when you do find one hang onto them.

the gullible

ever stole another guys girl friend? yes..yes.. you are a stud but think about this, the girl you stole was stupid enough to believe everything you told her. These women will not and probably will not ever know what makes them content, these women most of the time will go to the bad boys, the boys that they want to help and save. These girls will be hot hence will be hit on a lot and most of the time a guy will be able to convince her that her current boy friend does not love her, or care.. and most importantly appreciate her efforts but the sad part is these women will not be content with a normal guy.. and will rebound because they need someone to save.. whatever the situation. In terms of sex these girls will be guarded mostly because of the past bad boys advances which were invited or not.

the erotically charged

at first you will have the illusion that everything is going well.. you will have premarital sex.. and it will be good (which is not good by the way).. she will give you a story about how she lost her virginity at the hands of a bicycle.. and of course you will believe it.. you will be on seventh heaven.. and so will she.. with another guy. Yes these are possibly the most dangerous type of women.. well for a guy whose just looking for sex it doesnt matter.. but all others beware. They are cute, cunning and are able to lie very easily. Usually there is a childhood trauma associated with this behavior..some call it daddy issues.. ok lets call it daddy issues.. or an uncle who was too close..or the SOB`s of the world who give the worst names to guys. Sometimes these girls will change but usually they will just break your heart..so its better if you just get out before its too late.

the psychos

The most easiest way to find out if a girl is psycho is to find out if she likes pain. Usually you can see the sign in a conventional sense, like the girl having a lot of piercings even on places it would hurt. But its easier to find out during sex because usually she will take charge but if you have control she will want you to pull her hair and also spank her, if she is not content with the level of spanking she will start doing it herself. On the upside sex might be better with them but if you want good health for you, you cant date girls like that. They will lie, they will hurt themselves and you, they will also find ways to get inside your family and play things out making you the bad guy and her the victim. She will always want attention and even if you are with her for 24 hours a day it will not be enough. And yes most of the time they are hot.

2010-05-04T14:24:00.000+05:00

i will write about knowledge today.. a topic seemingly interesting to xeno

knowledge.. is like everything relative to the person who is using it.. i mean evil geniuses use it to try to take over the world in almost every cartoon ever made .. others just use it to take over oil reserves...or presidency.. or sleep around without the family knowing.. "insert joke here, calculas"

anyway i guess what irks me most is the inevitable knowledge that whatever we learn will at the end be just a waste.. i mean at the end of our lives or specifically at the end of humanity.. which ever way we look at it.. religious or not we would have no need for knowledge.. heaven has no need for rational thinking.. rules of nature do not apply there nor do any other scientific method.. aannd if we dont believe in heaven or life after death.. ultimately when the human race dies out.. all the knowledge will be wiped out too.. unless Apes take over the world.. or aliens..

maybe that is why we are researching on how to be immortal (people are trying to find the gene that triggers our aging to try to stop it.. maybe they have found it already!! the control freak would be pleased...) or because we went to the moon we are now striving to go farther.. you ask why.. well one would think that because of all the hype concerning "the americans didnt go to the moon" conspiracy they would have put someone up there by now.. or not.. who knows.. all them SNASA guys are crazy... maybe there is a smoon.. hehe.. barney..

2010-05-01T03:57:00.000+05:00

apiit has rules.. but mostly it seems to apply to only guys.. we have to be dressed professional.. everybody has to according to the rules.. but the women can wear whatever they want.. once i saw this girl and because her pants were so thin.. i could see her underwear..and most of the time nobody notices.. or the security guards do notice but dont say anything.. and what about the women who dress like guys.. because they are women they can wear anything too.. im not complaining women can wear whatever they want.. just let us guys wear whatever we want too..

2010-04-29T14:54:00.000+05:00

anger manifests in many ways.. you can keep it bottled inside... and after awhile you are aware that its there.. rearing to come out... you are afraid what might happen if you loose control of it... what would be the consequences for others.. but then again sometimes you want to release it.. it does not matter if you know the meaning of patience... you dont think about the whats if`s .. you dont care anyway.. letting into anger is seen as a better choice than to live in a paranoid delusion where you believe you are in control but in reality you are not.. the knot in your throat.. the pressure on your heart and stomach .. the over thinking every little detail of your life ..leaves.. maybe it will return.. maybe it wont.. maybe you will just snap.. wonder why no one is afraid of people just snapping.. the little nudge that turns normal people into monsters.. wonder why people find the need to test other peoples psychological elasticity..a rubber band eventually gives up and breaks.. its of small consequence but what if a person snaps.. given the things that might happen in ones life.. small or big.. it might build up to one big psychotic break.. still wonder why people arnt afraid to die.. do people believe that mentally torturing a person does not have an ugly end......

2010-04-29T04:18:00.000+05:00

so there i was young and innocent, three years ago, just arrived here. Spent the first day admiring this new life.. everything seemed at first very new.. and every few minutes had to keep reminding myself that i was not in Maldives anymore..the first time i went into the pyramid.. i met the skirts, the camel toes and looked into the abyss of the countless windows of opportunity walking around.. i then knew that i had taken the right choice by coming here.. three years later.. i still feel the same.. things are different though.. but still

2010-04-27T05:05:00.000+05:00

She sat on the sofa
The darkness hiding her face
But you could just see her
If you could look beyond, beyond the haze

She moved into the light
Just allowing you a peep
You try to get closer
But your feet are stuck together, they have fallen asleep

She sat staring in your direction
But not looking at you
You feel a shiver, a chill down your spine
And you wonder, is she looking inside you?

She again moves a little forward
Just so that her lips catch the light
You think to yourself?
Will I kiss her tonight?

2010-04-25T04:04:00.000+05:00

2010-04-24T04:56:00.000+05:00

I watched supernatural last night.. a couple of episodes.. i heard that they were showing Angels and Demons and had somehow linked the story of Kane and Abel into the story.. this they had done indeed.. in one episode they died and went to the part where their life flashed before their eyes.. this part was interesting as it did not flash in a series of small jumps from memory to memory .. they lived the fondest memories while waiting for the Angel of Death to find them.. their depiction of heaven is pretty interesting too.. a garden of Eden centered around a vast amount of what people wanted their heavens to be. I guess if you think about it, it makes sense.. i was told that i would get whatever i wanted in heaven.. so if i wanted to be king i guess i would be king.. if i wanted to be a bartender i would have a bar..interestingly one of characters described the place as the Matrix.. hehe .. a place without free will.. now wouldnt that be a slap in the face..

when i was very young and i heard about the horrors of hell from my loving mother before bedtime .. i forced myself not to sleep.. cause apparently ppl die in their sleep.. and i did not want to die and go to hell.. what my mom chose not to tell me was that i was 6 and not eligible yet... cant blame mothers.. they want whats best for us.. here and the afterlife.. anyway after a day i knew i had to sleep sometime.. so the young mind of mine decided to make up a story about my life.. the story was that i had already died went to heaven and decided to relive my life... so even if had died in my sleep i would go to heaven... it made sense then.. and i did sleep..

I have read texts, books and forward emails and recently one was on the wall of my facebook page about whats in heaven.. sometimes i wonder why its so specific though...70,000 dining tables with 80,000 types of food.. a number is a limitation for me.. i believe that heaven is the ultimate infinity of everything.. for one thing.. we wont die after we get there...

when i was young i was given advice about the outside world.. gambling, fornication, alcohol .. drugs.. Muslims are forbidden to use them or do them.. i get that.. set of rules for everything.. but what i dont understand is what came after .. "if you dont do them here and be a good boy, you can do them in heaven".. growing up i often wondered why that part was relevant.. if in a human body, with our limitations and "feelings" if we can withhold sinning.. with the intention of going to heaven to do it. would we actually deserve heaven??.. i mean is heaven a great big party.. with booze and chicks.. i dont know but if you think about it.. it wudnt be right?.. there would be rules there too.. if there were not we would not actually be here...

2010-04-23T03:50:00.000+05:00

the coward

she is scared to go up to a person she believes she loves. This man might be married or at least have a kid. she doesnt take risks but she think she is getting old hence took a chance but on something she could count on, not something like love which is to her, unpredictable.

the bitch

selfish to the core. wants everything delivered on silver platter. blindly lives in a time when men had jousted to have the right to her hand in marriage. beautiful but dangerous.

the control freak

the name is his personality, friends and lovers witness this in privacy. a want to be chameleon but obvious to someone who has been friends with him for a long time. is scared of a lot of things but acts tough as a defense mechanism.

the white one

does not know what she wants. is abusive and cannot control her anger. she needs a level of control average men are not comfortable with. craves attention and will lie to get it. eventually pushes everyone around her away.

the caged

abused as a child, abused as a teenager, abused beyond the point of recovery. hates her past and has never found a way or a man who could help her put it in the past. has lost faith in religion and does not believe in love. uses sex as a weapon and has adopted a darker abusive character.

the unknown

a chameleon. lies through his teeth.

the cartoon character

a smile every time he meets anyone except when he is sleepy. is religious and kind. private in many ways and lives in a small shell.

2010-04-19T05:08:00.000+05:00

everything going to change again.. somewhat of a routine these last two years.. content with some things, fighting with the others.. decisions taken which cannot be taken back.. who needs to anyway.. i say once you decide than that`s it, trying to take back anything just leaves a giant hole in your own mind.. and the only thing that decides you fate eventually is a healthy mind..

2010-04-18T04:09:00.000+05:00

Wonder why we consider ourselves Gods most beloved creatures?? I mean we rape, molest, plunder.. do genocides.. cover up genocides.. rationalize genocides.. i mean where was the line? i dont think we will ever know now.. humans are capable of terrible things..

i guess that is just one side though.. we are capable of wonderful things as well.. but we dont see much of it .. we dont heed much attention to good.. good is boring.. evil is exciting .. even the little bits of it like.. small bits of making out.. putting up ones hand under a woman`s veil.. taking a small candy from a shop.. its exciting.. why though.. are we genetically engineered to go against Gods will? Ofcourse its said that we have a choice.. but why is it so easier to live on the "Dark side of the force?"

Mysterious, mysterious.. isnt it? Or is it just that in some part of our minds theres this little voice that says, it cant all be true now can it? i mean how can you move mountains? shatter them? halve the moon?? the other part, the bigger part, of the brain says, earthquakes.. an eclipse.. hmmm says the smaller part.. that makes sense.. but what about the parting of seas? or the ability to talk to animals and command the wind?? ... errrrr...

Thats the problem nowadays.. if you cant prove it.. it cant be true.. whats the point of a miracle if it can be done with human means or with the use of machines.. or by reading lunar charts?? Atheists use this tool very effectively.. i find it fascinating.. the question "If God is omnipotent can He create a rock that he cannot move".. boom.. you are in a corner.. its a paradox.. if he is all powerful he could create it but if he is all powerful why cant he move it but if he can move it he did not make a rock he could not move.. i have seen atleast two friends who went ballistic with this question.. what we dont comprehend is and cannot comprehend is what we call laws of nature, relativity or whatever.. applies to US... but its fascinating to see how easy it is for some people to question God.. isnt it..

2010-04-17T04:37:00.000+05:00

I wonder if someone gets lung cancer after smoking cigarettes and then dies if it would be considered as suicide..

2010-04-15T04:48:00.000+05:00

you know about 60 years ago we still wore sarongs and wooden shoes, my mom used to tell us this story when we were little to let us appreciate the little wealth that we had, she used to tell us that in her family of 7 including her parents between them they had only one pair of shoes the wooden ones, and they had to take turns to go to the bathroom each night to keep their feet from getting dirty.. this was about 60 to 65 years ago. i cannot comprehend living in a situation like that, but my brothers and sisters can.. i mean they had 1 uniform a piece and my mom used to wash and dry and iron everyday... that was 43 years ago.. but i didnt have to go through any of this.. and we wernt rich.. so how were we able to jump from that to this in such a short time...?? and i do realize that there are people who suffer.. but what im talking about is the current living standard that we have.. the coffees, the motor bikes, the phones...etc etc

politics is the newest fad in maldives.. so naturally everybodies a politician.. im not.. im just an observer.. i wudnt know how to run a country or what the ppl need.. but as i said im an observer.. or a citizen if you will.. so this is what i see.. mostly.. the whole thing began even before i was born.. maybe i was born but i cant remember anyway.. just rumours.. attempts to take down the presidency had been implemented in many ways.. and failed all of those times but nothing lasts forever and if you rule long enough you will have made as much enemies as you have made friends.... so in our lifetime the grudge that had been brewing for a long time erupted.. i call this a grudge because .. maybe it was unofficial but the whole point of that election was to bring down the current "Dictator"... i see a point to that.. in fact 30 years is too long a time to rule especially maldives which changes itself every year..

but what i see now is pretty disturbing.. i mean i used to laugh while watching indian parliamentary bashing each other heads in with chairs in some ludicrous hidden camera show.. i never imagined this amount of violence would be the final product of the steps we had taken for change.. final product atleast that is what is being portrayed in the news and by showing live coverages of fights.. but this is not the final product.. this is just the pain before you remove the broken tooth.. well hopefully it is..

what everbody does not understand fans or not is that we cannot bring about this big a change over night.. you cannot make the whole thing better.. you cannot bring down the prices of food or electricity just because a regime changed.. but also to the point, it shoudnt have felt that it had become worse.. i think that is the problem i have with the current system..is the belief that you can change people over night.. carbon neutral is a big deal.. we will be effected the worst.. but it cannot be done by giving police bicycles to patrol on.. because the people they have to catch dont really care about burning carbon as they race away.. so in essence a gesture towards a better future can be taken as a joke.. with most of the people not appreciating the direness of our situation.. things will change.. things have changed.. but only time the same as before will tell if they are good or bad.. inshah allah it will be for the best..

2010-04-14T04:37:00.000+05:00

Todays morning is hectic, i have to pay the bills, which i somehow think is greater than its supposed to be.. can two ppl really use 300 RM worth of electricity 0.o I dont think so.. anyway i have to take the bus, which ofcourse takes a timeout.. so if i catch the 830 one i`ll get there around 9 15.. atleast i`ll have music..

anyway as long as im here, lets talk about the malaysian`s so called lesbians.. in general i dont have a problem with lesbians.. hehe (..internal joke there).. but i do have a problem with women who dress as men, talk as men, have haircuts like men.. with a cute girlfriend.. i mean whats the about? its clear they havent had any sex change operation and most ppl probably dont want them.. so why look like men?? and quite possibly use dildos or strap ons with their lovers..

if you are attracted to the same sex, hell its upto you.. even i dont mind a good american girl on girl action as chandler once said but why just the change in appearance?? .. and if they do change their sex organs .. wont be lesbians now would they..???

2010-04-13T05:05:00.000+05:00

manipulation.. people are very good at that.. i am.. i often use it on other ppl, i used to.. but lately ive found that ive lost my edge.. probably because ive found out i also have been manipulated.. its a weird feeling, kicking oneself for letting it happen but really it depends on how you were used.. if you were a guy and being used as a sex object, i think alot of guys would find worse things than that.. and no alas i was not a sex object..

keeping me and my manipulations aside cause this is my blog, lets talk about what girlfriends do, they will tell you that your friends are as important as my friends, they will tell you you are the next most important part of their lives after their family (they dont disclose how big this family is) they will then show you kilos, which then become grams and finally ounces of love within the reaches of their mood, and then at any given time may want to discuss the shortcomings of their previous boy friendS, and you sit there wondering, why all of them left.. you will soon know after about.. well 5 months..

the first month is cool, you talk, you hang out, you get all the loving you`ll ever need.. this is the point where a manipulative boyfriend or a girlfriend keeps you in a small loving cage fattening you up with treats of "love".. and you fall for it too.. when the 2nd month comes around you are already, ready to take the next step.. the first make out session.. here men n women differ.. a man would do it because he wants to do it.. but a girl has an agenda.. "if you see my tit, your tat belongs only to me"... yes guys this is where you go wrong.. this isnt just a make out session for women.. i dunno what it is but its a big deal.. and ofcorse im not talking about all women..

the third month.. the first fight.. you were late, you were too horny, you didnt say goodmorning or good night... if a guy/girl does nothing to significantly damage the relationship the other one will find a lame excuse to fight about, and im sorry girls ive seen this mostly from you.. anyway this is an issue of control.. who wins the fight? who gives up first? who wants to make up first? its all a play for control, sometimes you loose, sometimes you win big...hehe.. sigh..

at the end of the third month USUALLY the guy would want to take the physical part a little bit further... atleast thats what he`ll say.. "C`mon we`ve already seen each other.. theres this thing my ex wudnt let me do..." if it was a girl she would say, "C`mon we`ve already seen each other.. theres this thing i didnt let my ex do to me"... both very hard to turn away.. cause for a girl she wants to be better than the ex.. and for a guy who wudnt do something "that ex looser boyfriend of hers" coudnt do...?

by this point.. comes the fourth month and if you look clearly at a couple or hang out with one you will see who has the control.. ever had a friend who would leave a coffee cup half empty because his girlfriend just called? and its vice versa... for some people its a given i mean some like to take control and others like to give it.. so for some couples it works.. but for others.. major disaster coming ppl.. stay away from friends who are dating and are both your friends.. that has to be a major health risk for you.. this i call the calculas dilemma..

in any case around the fifth month you will usually fight, some call their ex and some are already looking for a good way out.. for these ppl i say.. if you are a guy.. there is no clean way to break up with a girl..you will always break her heart.. anyway.. the fifth month is usually crucial for most couples cause this is the point where the relationship line which was going upwards, slows down and then plunges... fights, fights, fights.. its an unbelievable.. some ppl get past this.. others dont.. some find it inevitable.. some find it stupid to keep it going.. in anycase all of these fights can come back again.. there is no guarantee that they wont.. i mean ppl make mistakes.. and with every mistake you are reminded of more mistakes.. i guess thats just how a verbal fight works.. you win by knowing the worst things your opponent has done to you...

but for the ppl who come out of this worm hole, happy and beaming.. i salute you.. i might even hug you.. but my friends say i already do gay things so.. ok salute.. ive never found that place in any of my relationships where you can just well do nothing, get nothing and still feel content...

2010-04-12T04:31:00.000+05:00

Ive been thinking for awhile now what we are really doing when we neuter our pets. Our reasons are that they act weird and shudder and shout consistently and the timeline it does that begins to grow more frequent over time. Which is very inconvenient for the owners.. well magey vaahaka dhahkamaa dhen...

Ive already spayed my cat .. i wonder when she became my cat..but anyway ive already done it.. it was a very pre longed, very discussed decision.. but still it never sat well with me.. we could have done other things like get a another cat, give up our cat.. and well this should have been the last resort.. now its inconvenient for the cat cause we as ppl are so selfish.. i could justify this in many ways like we cudnt afford another cat, or the extra work .. blah blah .. but.

2010-04-11T05:32:00.001+05:00

Its morning again, the only time i feel like im alone...everybody else sleeps a little late but hopefully more cause its the weeekend... oh the pleasure of the 3 day weekend!

Anyway there was once a girl who slept with a few people in a few days time and cheated on her well boy friend kiyama.. Anyway a whole lot of shit happened, remember all that crap that happens in the movies.. specially hindi ones. Anyway they are together still because of this thing called love...

first thing, why would one cheat when one is in love? doesnt that totally negate the possibility that the person ever was in love? or was this one of those things you call a human mistake, an error in judgment or a once in a lifetime mistake... hopefully.. but then again the scars will never fade away.. believe me..

this is just my experience but you know the boy friend will always keep bringing it up.. evaahaka in moonu mahchah ai dhoyelaane abadhu.... i mean you cant even blame the guy.. human instinct, human vindictiveness...jealousy...

Anyway this love thing? i see these epic love movies where the guy gets bloody and the girl commits suicide..watch from the balcony or squat in the trees feeding lines.. heroes and princesses.. its just a bunch of boohaakee.. yeah i watch friends... i dunno what love is when i was young i thought love was what the media said it was, a chemical reaction.. spontaneous attraction.. love at first sight.. but i grew old.. realized that, that wasnt love.. it was just attraction.. whatever the body part it was physical not mental.. well i guess you cant blame ppl i mean we arnt open books.. who knows whose a saint and whos a hoe anymore..anyway after i sought out this attraction thing i thought love was supposed to be the ability to know each others faults and "good stuff" and then know how to compromise to be with each other... but that doesnt work either.. you can compromise the shit out of you.. breath understanding and eat patience .... it doesnt work...

2010-04-10T06:24:00.000+05:00

i just got up.. its cold here now.. was like an oven earlier this week.. this truly is maldives.. bigger and better..

Whats that inevitable sentence that everyone has to say eventually?? Yeah, "I give up". Thats a big a problem in my life, I dont give up.. i should give up, i know i should, i know thats the rational thing to do but still.. no its not like its a pride thing.. well you could say it is.. a little.. but ive seen things happen in my life, seen lives ruined and ppl hurt because ppl gave up or moved on... i never thought id be in this situation though... oh the dreams we young ppl have.. when we are young.. the world seems bigger when you are young but things kind of jump forward then and there like at the end of the roller coaster ride where you yell out in suprise or fear, your hearpounding in your chest, your eyes open wide, gripping to the seat so tightly that your knuckles go white.. with a smile on your face but sad at the same time because you know that the ride is going to be over soon and reality is gona meet us at the platform...

we have so many things decided for us even before we are a mere idea, the wish full thinking of a young couple on their honeymoon... they give us names and jobs and looks and anything else they can think of.. i can understand that.. a parent is always a parent.. but when you grow old i cant understand the human need to impose on onto the other... the need to manipulate.. well i guess i cant say i dont understand it... i have done it.. but i always thought we grow out of it.. the petty way that we get what we want from others... women specially.. in a week three women tried that one me... if i were younger i would have fallen for it.. well 2 out of 3 isnt too bad right?..

when im asleep

2009-12-20T07:55:00.000+05:00

bump bump bump
in the night
bump bump bump
the monsters, tears they shed
bump bump bump
in the darkness of night
bump bump bump
the urges i fight
rip slash rip
the motion of the knife
spurt spurt spurt
the death, the loss of life
bump bump bump
the urges i fight
bump bump bump
in the darkness of my night

021009100315

2009-10-19T23:35:00.000+06:00

life surprises you sometimes,

shoves you ways you are never wise,

but sometimes you just have to go,

like a wave, just go with the flow.

to my life

2009-10-03T14:29:00.000+06:00

in the end, it is what it is,

life will show you where everything fits,

its is never a place you like, just absolute piss,

but it never changes, "my rules, my game" say life with a hiss.