Demons

at night when everything sleeps,
there is the girl, that wakes and weeps,
her body her nightmare needs,
trapped and alone, she waits while her soul slowly bleeds.

the endless darkness, with no light in sight,
all she could ask for was no pain in her plight,
in the endless battle she fights every night.

the demons of her past,
no priest or shaman could cast,
no amulet or gem did last,
death was coming, nearer and fast.

her family gathered around her,
weeping with misery,
while her soul slowly leaves her.

Of Violence and Man

The following is my opinion, the quotes I have taken from the internet. I would like to believe that they are correct because to me they make sense but I am not a religious or any other type of scholar, so I cannot be sure. Correct me if i am wrong, your opinion also counts.

I remembered today a story I think from my grade 8 or 9 Islam book. I remember not really reading school books cause I was too cool for school (idiotic, yes.) but some of it stuck, so this was a story about Prophet Muhammad, about how he went to a (I imagine) village to preach about Islam, and that he was yelled at and people threw stones at him and chased him out of the village, that is how I remember that part hopefully I am not getting the story wrong but in any case after this incident, in the story, he was asked if he wanted the destruction of the village and its people, and he replies "Noon, emeehunnah adhi nuvisnenee ey" (I`m sure not in those words but again this is how I remember) .

That is how he dealt with the situation; he was the prophet yes but a human as well. Even then at the hands of such cruelty he was able to walk away with his beliefs, his pride and his humanity. Therefore to me he will always be the original Gandhi.

This is why I do not believe that we need to resort to violence or anger to resolve our issues. The thing that many of us don’t get is that, we are different from each other. Our ability to think is different, our ability to learn and follow is different too and although we can disagree with each other it is always better to start a dialogue than to punch the other guy in the nose. Otherwise are we any better?

Sometimes this is difficult, extremely difficult. In such a country filled with different frustrations, inflation, poverty, drugs, theft, violence, corruption it is hard not to be angry with anyone and everyone, especially if we are led to believe we are losing the one thing we thought could never be taken from us. Yes, it is hard but let me quote Prophet Muhammad “The strong man is not the good wrestler; the strong man is only the one who controls himself when he is angry.”

Tomorrow is probably going to be yet another day we will push into the pages of history and forget. It is probably going to be another day where our own blood and tears may flow; on our own land by our own hands. I hope it does not happen. I hope you all wish it too.

I will finish my ramblings with a quote from another guy that I would have liked to meet and shake hands with; “What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans, and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?” – Mahatma Gandhi.

Our little fish bowl

it is amazing how small Male` is, if you think about it in this perspective, for those who share apartments, or even rooms. its like living inside a toilet, a no roof bathroom stall where you are self-conscious of shitting cause of the person in the next stall. Don't deny it, we cant really let go comfortably when we know there's someone who could hear our farts or our shit hitting the water.

Shit if we take it and not make it literal, that`s how most of our lives are, this place is so small, we can almost hear what the other person is thinking (no idiots that was a joke, we are not telepathic, at-least i hope not).

Privacy is a good thing, everyone should have their own time because we are all different even the person you love is different from you and they will do stupid things which may not be actually stupid but you think is stupid but you don't want to do or say anything cause you might hurt their feelings but in turn just swallow them cause you also don't want your children or your next room neighbor to hear you two fight. (and i dare you to make sense of that train of thought) . Given all that, most of us dont have a positive or productive way to get rid of our frustrations.

That is if you don't count, racing through the small streets of Male` blaring our horns like clowns, glaring and sneering at anyone who comes in-front of us. OR protesting about the latest issues, loosing our religion even though it has survived through the ages, protesting about protestors.

At-least i think the reason why we are most of time mean, inconsiderate, with no sense of common courtesy is because we are frustrated. (and you just went DUH! didn't you. so why didn't you write about it?) Frustrations about money, space, life, this brick prison we call home, the government, the previous government, the religious fanatics, nonreligious fanatics, gangs, traffic lights, GST .. etc. etc.. and hence the anger..

when i came back after a long time from abroad i wondered why people here where so angry, most of the time, now i think i know... thing is, life sucks people, we all know it, it reams us in the back once at-least every 2-3 years but we need a better way to handle it. we need a better way to handle problems between each other.. we need to find a better way to live peacefully in our little fish bowl.

Wake Up

we do not know,

we nod and agree,

we believe what we are told,

we are told that we are free.

freedom is a choice,

freedom is personal,

freedom does not dictate,

freedom does not impose, its not a wall.

pawns we are,

but we do not know,

unknown to us with fear they grow.

in the end, their battles we will fight,

in the end, still pawns we will fight,

till the end, even to our final breath ...

thoughts of a madman

the depth and of the steel,
the sharpness of the blade,
the gushing of her blood,
upon my face, and i`m glad.

the twist and the turn,
the feel of her organs,
rip apart get torn,
i smile, a dream complete of months.

i raise it high,
i raise it low,
i raise it fast,
i raise it slow.

her eyes open,
with just a sliver of life,
i smile, again,
plunging down; my steel knife,
again and again.

i sit here and wonder,

where you are, i wonder,

what happened to the talks, i wonder,

whatever happened to your smile, i wonder.

the elephant in the room

it is now as it was before,
we don't talk, we don't feel,
keep building it up inside our core,
letting it out; not an option, not a way; that we can heal.

acceptance, understanding, guilt

had an interesting talk about sexual deviancy today, somebodies mind got blow away when we discussed the amount of sexual fantasies people have on body parts or what comes out of our bodies, some very disgusting, some wildly idiotic, some acceptable, some understandable and some just plain sick.

so now how did we come up with these categories, a much better question would be would these categories be different if the same conversation came up within another crowd of people? yes would be the answer wouldnt it? some people accept these fetishes or taboos as a part of their lives, or something they cant live without or more importantly something they can 'understand' and should be 'tolerant' to.

So i wonder when will humanity draw the line? i`m not talking in a religious perspective or even a moral one, but there was a time when (i have been told) that being gay was considered a disorder of the mind and still there are many a communities that shun the relationships between man and man, woman and woman but if we look around, we can see this changing.

'Tolerance' or 'acceptance' is a word much used especially in Maldives these days, but if you look at the world at a whole this concept of accepting others for who they are has been spreading, quickly and efficiently. A concept not bad, because who are we kidding, as a collective group (humanity) we are a bunch of freaks.

But more to my point, when will society draw the line? We can now accept others who are gay without a problem, and i`m sure in the near future we will also be accepting transsexuals as a part of community, taking out the taboo and replacing it with 'normalcy' whatever that might be. but would it stop there? taking into account human history, i certainly dont think so.

There will come a time, not in our lifetimes hopefully that society descends into such a state of acceptance that what we now consider taboo to take an example incest, to be a part of life. If there are people who had the 'need' to do it, and because its 'how they were born' society will come to accept it or as it happens now some part of society will guilt the other to accept it, understand it. .. 'live and let live'..

loneliest eid ever..

and then my friend sent me this link, http://i.imgur.com/Cpdaq.jpg

letting go

there are many things that i would do,
and say many things which would be untrue,
to make you smile, when you are blue.

right now i am whatever you need me to be,
i have always been like that, how stupid that was; i could not see.

think about it again and again,
and its pretty clear and plain,
this could only end up with pain.

so like a bad story book,
before it holds on, before it can plant its hook,
i, like you say, need to take; another look.

reasons are clear and are never fair,
words are words, but there is still fear,
it should end, or too much; we will care.

so the end remains a mystery, an unsung song,
just a part of history.

friends we`ll be,
our conscious; guilt free,
our lives mundane, when we end this story of you and me.

the soft knock

it was the dead of night,
i heard a soft knock on my door,
i got up and turned on my light,
while picking up my shorts i had left on the floor.

i opened the door,
i did not ask for more,
because it was her,
she came in with no sign of fear.

i closed the door,
picked up everything else i had left on the floor.

she looked at me, smiled intrigued,
her eyes meeting mine, i understood her need.

i sat next to her and held her tight,
she melted into me, with no hint of a fight.

i nibbled her ears, i kissed her cheeks,
then it became urgent, like we had been waiting for weeks.

i woke up as the sun was rising,
she was still here, blissfully sleeping.

she was so beautiful,
how much, i cannot put into words.

i just felt lucky, and finally i guess... happy.

at times because we laugh

in your room, your santuary,
open your laptop,
sit down, relax, let go of the burden you carry.

think of the good, the bad and the worst,
think of what helped you smile the most.

you still feel insecure and alone,
thinking about the past thats gone.

think of the future, the guilt and the pleasure,
weigh it out, see if your life is still a treasure.

by living we learn,
how much our souls can burn,
how much our hearts can mourn,
how much our minds can scourn.

but sometimes we have to let go,
believe that there can be something more,
believe in fate, time let it slow,
let our souls smile and let it glow.

the wall that she created

wall made of stone,

why do you not yield,

wall made of stone,

why do you not bleed.

wall made of stone,

why do you stand tall,

wall made of stone,

why do you never fall.

wall made of stone,

why are you so strong,

wall made of stone,

why do you not know when you are wrong.

wall made of stone,

one day you will break,

wall made of stone,

i hope so for my sake.

slay thy monster

you hope you dream,
of life without pain,
you stop yourself and not feel,
running from reality in vain.

monsters are monsters,
they will never change,
they are evil and bullies,
your mind they will always change.

they will make you doubt,
they will make you cry,
they will make you forget why you fought,
their lies; they will make you buy.

the world will always be cruel,
like you say its upto you,
say no, i never will,
stand up, never forget, like you say its upto you.

“Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.” – Khalil Gibran

..so even if you doubt have faith that even if you are alone you can survive.

my beloved country

when i was young i was asked to draw a future Maldives, like any youngster i immediately imagined in my mind hover crafts, and bubble helmets and vacuum chutes that would take us to work. Taking aside the stupid ideas of flying and parking in air, my vision or imagination could have never thought up the future that Maldives is now.

Even then Male` was small, cramped and crowded, but now its just freaking crazy. Trying to walk to office every morning is like jungle tracking, vans, lorries are driven by mad men who dont get the concept of 'this is a small road'! but nobody could actually blame them either, going slow is also not an option anymore, you stop for a millisecond to let an old lady cross the street and from behind comes the cry of the harpies. Its like second nature for motorcyclists to honk their horns now .. its annoying for someone whose walking by; imagine what it would be for the guy driving a huge ass vehicle that can crush their sorry asses?

i also did not imagine a Male`, well a Maldives over flowing with expatriates, 'bangalhees'. When i was young it was the craze though, every house that could afford it had to have a cooking or cleaning lady brought from abroad.. a concept i did not get, why bring someone from abroad to teach them to cook Maldivian food? Why not get a Maldivian? but it makes sense now, well it doesnt but ever seen a Maldivian waiter anywhere? or a cook for that matter? Hedhika our glory and pride, have u recently seen a Maldivian making it?

Now a 'bangalhee' makes it and we buy it. Not just food, how about for example a small barber shop? When i was young my mom cut my hair for some time, that was the only time a Maldivian cut it. Maldivians are too good to own barber shops my friend says, every one has to have a beauty salon.. Jissm indeed..

so i feel sad, i grew up, started my own life and didnt give a damn about the country, cause i was selfish and thought yeah.. someone else will take care of it.. but everybody probably thought the same thing and now..

The most important decisions our country has to make is being made by self serving 'smart', wouldnt be wrong to say, Business men. Ever wonder why a majority of young adults are on drugs and why nobody seems to be able to stop drugs coming in and out?
Society itself has changed, you can be openly gay to your friends and they will 'understand'. Religion as always in Maldives is still a joke, as long as you dont go on tv and say you are an atheist you are fine.. dont worry.
The value of a man right now is measured by THE girl whose straddling his back ON the cyke that he rides WHILE looking at the smart phone he has in his hand.
And burugaa i would like to respect the women who wear them, but c`mon.. some time in the future i`m sure, burugaa and bikinis will be a trend.
And protesting, stop at a corner and start shouting, it doesnt matter what you shout, at some point someone else will come and join you, you are not alone theres always another idiot out there.

the storm and the rock

once there was a lonely rock, in the middle of a rocky shore. sure, there were other rocks around it but this rock was different, and didnt get along with the other rocks.

then along came a storm, the storm was loud, the storm was flashy, the storm made sense and the storm was strong.

the lonely rock weirdly found these things soothing and immediately found itself a friend. but the storm was a storm, it went away as soon as it came.

and again there sat a lonely rock, in the middle of other rocks, waiting for the storm.

"We dont change... NOT!"

i had a small chat with a friend i made recently and according to her people change, for the people around them or because of the people around them. and at the time i kept saying that people dont really change for some idiotic reason. maybe i was trying to prolong the conversation.

but if i`m completely honest, something i have recently found freeing for some insane reason .. *evil smirk* i have to agree with my friend. we change.. alot.. @-@ like amazingly alot.

if i take a small example from my life none of my past gf`s would describe me as the same guy, ofcourse if you neurotic enough to draw a venn diagram there will be intersections where they will complain i`m too needy or such (-_-) .. nonsense .. :P

but i thought about it quite a lot and yeah we change.. sometimes we become weird in the process too.. or start a sheereen farhadh love story.. or Devdas.. but mostly the hero doesnt die in the end.. then again.. Devdas died content right?

ok i keep going off track here... we change.. i have changed.. and prior to what i was before i think ive changed for the better.. given the experiences life had in store for me.. God`s wicked sense of humour..DESTINY! blah blah blah .. but it helped.. i have always been afraid of change never realising that i change with every experience i have.. AND YOU CHANGE TOO!! MWHAHAHAAHAH ... kidding...NOT!..

p/s: i`m helping Shawn from Psych bring back NOT!.. if you dont know what Psych is or if you dont know Shawn from Psych you are an idiot for not watching it. And if you dont know what bringing back NOT! means.. then i feel sorry for u .. NOT! :P

nerdy, cool, rebellious, neurotic, curios and creative

its amazing what can happen when you never expect it. finally life gave me something i needed rather than something well the exact opposite of what i need.

for a long time i laughed without actually laughing, smiled without meaning it but finally tonight i laughed and laughed.

so.. thank you; nerdy, cool, rebellious, neurotic, curios and creative dudette.

opportunity unmet

She sat on the sofa

The darkness hiding her face

But you could just see her

If you could look beyond, beyond the haze

She moved into the light

Just allowing you a peep

You try to get closer

But your feet are stuck together, they have fallen asleep

She sat staring in your direction

But not looking at you

You feel a shiver, a chill down your spine

And you wonder, is she looking inside you?

She again moves a little forward

Just so that her lips catch the light

You think to yourself?

Will I kiss her tonight, or hold her tight?

She sits still

As you inch your way towards her

But suddenly she laughs

Gets up and moves near the fire

You get up too

You want to go and stand beside her

Reach out for her hand

Or maybe really hold her

Before you make up your mind

She makes her move

She starts to move boldly towards you

And your hearts stops; is this love?

She is so close now

That you can hear her heart

You can see clearly the color of her eyes

The brown buttons on her shirt

The redness of her lips

The moistness of her tongue

The softness of her caress

The fullness of her chest

but then she moves away

moving her hips you watching it sway

but she turns around for one last look

that small look was what it all took

to make you move towards her

to hold up your arms and try to catch her

but like smoke she moves away

slipping through your fingers she fades away

for the girl who is herself

so there she was,

walking along, a walk without a cause.

laughing along with her friend,

oblivious to fashion statements and with no hint of a trend.

she was neither a rebel,

nor a hipster,

she did not need a label,

she was herself, that much was clear.

i could not stop staring,

thankfully she didnt notice,

when it was over i lost my bearing,

blissfully lost, i walked away at the time trying to get back my balance.